Successful vacations! And also by “happy” I mean, circumstances yes experience truly poor nowadays?? & Most folks likely have had our trip ideas changed again?? But luckily for us the gift to you is actually a virtual one AKA all of our long-awaited mailbag episode!
We obtain into tough feelings surrounding non-monogamy, imaginary characters we might wish regarding pod, and a whole lot. Thanks to any or all who sent in concerns!
PROGRAM RECORDS
+ Here you will find the lip recs from Christina!
Practically Lipstick from Clinique
and
Powder-puff Lippie from NYX
.
+ in the event it feels good,
get it done
.
+ you simply can’t watch Barbara Hammer motion pictures online however, if you’re in LA you can see Nitrate Kisses in theatres the following month
free of charge
.
+
Scissoring merch
! ensure you get your scissoring merch!
+ An essay on
Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal woman
and
our brand of sluttiness
.
+ Ro’s
part on dental dams.
Research: lesbian-cougar-dating.com/
+
The Novice
is out now! see it!
Drew:
I Became speaking with dad of men and womenâ
Christina:
Bringing dads into this space!
Drew:
I know â about getting delighted. And my father was actually like, “Oh, well, do you consider it’s because here is the very first relationship that you’ve obtained into as yourself?
Christina:
First, father, that’s very nice!
Drew:
I’m sure! Extremely sweet father opinion.
Christina:
Set off, master!
Drew:
And I also ended up being like â really funny for you to phone my dad king.
Theme tune performs
Drew:
Hi, I’m Drew!
Christina:
And I Also’m Christina! And this is a podcast that we forgot the intro to currently.
Drew:
That’s okay! This has been a little while.
Christina:
Woohoo, it offers.
Drew:
This can be
Wait, So Is This a romantic date?
Christina:
Yes, that podcast.
Drew:
I’ll analysis part. Thank you for visiting
Wait, Is This a Date?
An Autostraddle podcast all about gender and matchmaking as queer people who have queer folks, ideally. How, how are I undertaking?
Christina:
No, In my opinion you are crushing it. I believe what is truly interesting about that occurrence so is this is our very own mailbag occurrence in which we are going to be getting questions away from you, our very own listeners. A lot of you submitted vocals memos and e-mails, and then we experience the content and also the questions and hopefully the answers, but like, I, I am not gonna state any such thing too insane. Really don’t want to get also outlandish, you understand?
Drew:
Yeah. We are questioning along. Should we â after all, this most likely isn’t some people’s very first event, in instance people skipped you, you are aware, exposing our selves, perhaps that is someone’s favorite a portion of the podcast. Therefore I believe we must present our selves.
Christina:
Yeah, positively.
Drew:
Okay, cool. We’ll go initial. I’m Drew Gregory. I’m an author and a filmmaker and a queer person. I still determine as a lesbian, but i am making use of that phrase much less, in fact it is maybe a thing that i will unpack on the next occurrence. We still are a lesbian, but I also are similar, so what does that even indicate? You realize? I don’t know. Labels are funny, but i am fairly confident that i am a writer. I’m fairly certain that I’m a filmmaker. Uh, what about you?
Christina:
Yeah. Uh, Im Christina Tucker, a writer at Autostraddle also. I am also a queer individual. I started actually making use of “queer” more whenever I initially came out and from now on I use lesbian perhaps equally. I am also very, i recently type utilize whatever word seems correct, appearing out of my mouth in the second. And I also do not think about this more than that. But that’s a journey we’re all on, honestly.
Drew:
We support that. I actually do believe sums upwards just who we are, that I’m want, “i will must revisit this down the road.” And you’re want, “I just kind of do the thing I think and don’t should imagine a lot more about it.”
Christina:
I quite literally choose the phrase that works perfect for the bit, soâ¦
Drew:
Well, yeah. Whilst you said, this can be all of our mailbag event. Should we simply go into 1st â oh, I additionally wish to say before we start that in the event that you delivered us a question and then we do not get to it, it will be since there were certain matters which were like, oh, i do want to unpack this on another full event, maybe with a special visitor that would be much more, you are sure that, perhaps more qualified to respond to it. Therefore We actually appreciate the questionsâ
Christina:
All of you sent some questions, that was cool, but we might n’t have time to can every single one of those.
Drew:
Yeah. Nevertheless they were all read.
Christina:
As well as some people simply delivered united states compliments without questions.
Drew:
And, you are aware, frequently with â if this was a Q&A before or after a film, it’d be like, don’t praise anyone. Absolutely a complete market here, however for this, the sole market was actually Christina and I also and Lauren. Therefore frankly, comments, great. Many thanks much. Actually, excellent.
Christina:
Exciting to get, really certainly one of my personal primary food groups.
Drew:
So yeah, let us focus on 1st question. Within the sound memo, anyone says that they’re semi-closeted, so we’re gonna exclude names simply to be safe here. And let’s listen to this question.
Anonymous Asker:
Making this from somebody who doesn’t have knowledge about internet dating at all, largely because i am semi-closeted and living out in the typically conventional boonies. When I graduate senior high school, i am making this place therefore I may have a taste of independence. And I also’m recognizing that I’m going to end up being going into the queer dating world. This is certainly an extremely universal query, but how perform I ask a lady out the very first time without slipping into a full on anxiety attack? As you’re able to inform, i am very bad at speaking with individuals.
Drew:
That is an age old, age-old concern. Really.
Christina:
It truly is. We really believe that it is the reason we have a podcast.
Drew:
Yeah. What i’m saying is, I believe like we kind of recognize in which i will opt for this, which is like, it is more about recognizing the point that no body’s proficient at this? After all, maybe individuals at some point get great at it since you do it sufficient while sort of drop the â what is actually it â the coverage treatment or whatever â but like, it is one of those circumstances where you simply do it therefore gets easier. And privately, before we came out â after all, to make clear, I happened to be inquiring women out before I was released considering the total getting a trans person thing. When In my opinion concerning the early days of while I kept my personal awful small-town and went to college and was first truly inquiring people away, I really took a very drive method and extremely had been want, “Hello, do you want to continue a night out together?” And that I believe through the years, I relocated from the that somewhat. But I really however, we still believe sometimes it’s great to just be drive and get somebody out, while get a definite solution. I am talking about, you might like to do the thing for which you simply begin obscure and inquire anyone to go out and you just, you understand, perform a,
Hold off, Is This a romantic date
online game for some time.
Christina:
Right. Fingers entered, i really hope that information results in. I additionally think in a scenario, like for me, while I began matchmaking, as I ended up being queer dating, I was off college, way out of my hometown, but I was undertaking countless dating via apps and that really does cut down the awkwardness because it’s like, everybody knows what we should’re here for. Even though i do believe you’ll find demonstrably negatives to your internet dating application, similar to the majority of things in life, i actually do believe that method of eliminating that barrier of want, oh no, exactly how awkward is it will be? Like, is it likely to be like, no, it is, that’s what this might be for all the platform in which you have come to. Following as soon as you, whenever you improve hangout ask, it will always know its a night out together for the reason that it’s the reason we’re all right here. Vibing.
Drew:
That’s a point.
Christina:
I mean, i actually do realize that truly â such as that feeling of similar, “Oh no, this is exactly going to be thus shameful because I’m thus uncomfortable.” But genuinely the times You will find noticed super embarrassing, honestly, many people are similar to, which was pleasant. So don’t believe regarding the awkwardness just in similar, this is certainly embarrassing and everyone dislikes me. Men and women is like, that is shameful, but it’s type of lovable. And I do should continue a date with you. A couple of things could be correct. In my opinion which is stunning.
Drew:
Very true. Yeah. Yeah. I believe we’ve this idea that should you ask some body out, you should be like major top fuel Shane-style, and it is like, no, you can ask some one
Christina:
There’s a lot of brands of hot.
Drew:
Yeah.
Christina:
Wow. Which Is really stunning.
Drew:
Great. Well, why don’t we proceed to the second question that will be originating from Claire from Australia.
Claire:
Hey, I’ve adored enjoying all of you from this point in Queensland, Australian Continent, along with a concern for every of you in fact. Christina, understanding this non-transferable lip lining you put on on a primary big date, and where can I purchase it? And Drew, yours is a little harder. How can you know when to hear the hard feelings that come up during a non-monogamous circumstance when to function through them?
Christina:
Wow. I love that I get a lip and also you get difficult thoughts. I do believe that is a truly gorgeous. I shall get initial and provide you with time to consider the hard emotions. So there’s multiple versions of a non-transferable lip. While I was in my childhood back in the old mid-aughts, whenever individuals were just addicted to wearing a matte lipstick, used to do countless, like, Stila mattes are very non-transferable. But here’s the fact I’m growing old. My skin gets drier. I can not be sporting a matte lip such as that and never having a dried aside lip minute. Now we have moved into a stain, basically truly cook’s kiss. Trigger it can get just a little requirement, but no body actually sees, nonetheless look wonderful. At this time a large fan of Clinique. Their black honey is an unbelievable one as well as the Knicks lippie powder-puff, numerous colors, fades wonderfully. The lip spot. Go out making from your dates with fantastic mouth. That’s all i would like for all of us really. Today, Drew, consult with myself about hard emotions.
Drew:
Intense thoughts in non-monogamous interactions. Wow. Yeah. Thus a fun thing that occurred in the hiatus that people’ve had at this point would be that i’ve a girlfriend now.
Christina:
She is wonderful!
Drew:
Yeah. I’m truly, really happy. I am merely, personally i think like each and every day kind of mastering brand new definitions of what connections and love and intercourse is generally, and get maybe not already been that much of an enchanting since I was at high school plus it was actually all theoretic. Very, I’m very happy, love to share that. I’m similar, ok. Additionally what takes place when you are, you are sure that, in a relationship that you love rather than, you know, only having hookups and fillings and things, is you are checking in more with your own borders as well as your lover’s limits so far as everything mention. And appearance, all this could possibly be stuff I didn’t show. And I also simply went into the question and ended up being unclear, but this really is my personal type of becoming available when you are want, discussing like specific main reasons why i may end up being vague about podcast advancing, because I do believe actually it is important within our parasocial relationships we’ve with individuals which compose or individuals who have podcasts that like, I’m not sure, to share these things, to share like the way I determine my personal boundaries, specially as someone that produces and discusses sex very graphically. Anyways, so all that as a preamble to the questionâ
Christina:
Context is actually master. That’s what we are always stating.
Drew:
Which is to state that like, What i’m saying is, in ways, like i am, i am inside my first union, like as somebody who’s available about being non-monogamous and navigating that and et cetera. And that I believe simply talking normally, like every connection is actually its conversation. Along with the people who are for the reason that relationship, everyone gives concerns and delivers things that are like beliefs in to the relationship, and in addition, tends to make compromises and also talks and â or does not, and then which is your very own type of that. Appropriate? Therefore I think its kind of a frustrating response, but it’s kind of similar, you must both talk to your self and talk with your spouse or associates, and determine sort of, you realize, understanding required for you, you understand, if you are someone who’s monogamous and you begin internet dating someone who’s non-monogamous, is one thing you could get accustomed to? Is there specific factors that make you comfy? Could it be more content for your needs when your spouse shacks up with some one that you all learn and it is informal and it is any, or do you ever, could it be convenient whether they have various other connections, however they’re not close to you after all? Or like all these â there is countless techniques to have non-monogamous connections. And I have no idea if you are asking this from point of view of somebody that is very no-cost in non-monogamy and it is probably dating an individual who isn’t really, or the other way around. But i do believe that is usually a â I won’t actually say a conflict, it’s just an integral part of being non-monogamous, i believe, is most people have various connections to non-monogamy.
Christina:
Yeah.
Drew:
For me, i really could date someone who had several lovers. But typically with non-monogamy, my personal perfect is to try to date some one in which I’m their own partner, then we are really not monogamous. If I were currently some body, which isn’t current scenario that I’m in, in which I found myself matchmaking someone who desired to have multiple partners, I would have to be like, okay, preciselywhat are my personal thoughts about it person? What exactly are my thoughts how this individual interacts? Would In my opinion that that might be something which can perhaps work for me personally? And figure that away. And you’ll find connection dynamics I could take where I’m on a single end and in which I’m on the other side end. And I also believe simply proves that like, it’s just when it comes to determining when the person you’re dating â one, if for example the emotions on their behalf tend to be sufficiently strong it’s worth every penny, also in case you are compatible adequate in your needs it may work, because sometimes you truly like somebody and additionally they like you, or you really love some body as well as really like you, therefore only fails on by what you both desire from a relationship. And that is sad, but it is additionally simply the instance. So if or not working through the hard thoughts is always going to be situation by situation. And I believe additionally it is really influenced by communication designs, as if you have great communication making use of the person or people you are dating, you’ll work through significantly more than in the event that you battle to connect. So those are common my personal rambling applying for grants this thing that i do believe about alot.
Christina:
I would like audience to know that this is why I get six-minute vocals memos from Drew. Though in fairness, she’s got not delivered me personally a six-minute sound memo in a very few years.
Drew:
It has been a number of years.
Christina:
But that is normally the electricity. And I do feel i simply spoke one into existence. I can’t wait for after that few days.
Drew:
Do you consider it is because i am in a relationship?
Christina:
I know it is.
Drew:
I am experiencing vulnerable about this today. Yeah. I am just want, have always been we a bad buddy now that I’m in a relationship?
Christina:
I do believe it’s great and delightful and wonderful and great. And that I’m nearly clamoring to get more six-minute voice memos.
Drew:
I will send you a six-minute vocals memo about my personal commitment. Would that be enjoyable? Would that end up being a great thing for you really to have?
Christina:
I am talking about, yes, of course it could. You’re my good friend.
Drew:
Thank-you. Okay. Progressing.
Christina:
Moving on.
Drew:
Why don’t we see. This vocals memo is from Julia.
Julia:
Hey Received. Hey Christina. Listed here is my personal question for y’all. Should you may have any fictional queer fictional character from the pod, who it be and exactly what internet dating topic is it possible you talk about? Thank you for getting these Qs! Bye!
Christina:
This will be such a great concern.
Drew:
This really is the question. My â really, rather than become very Autostraddle about this, but my personal instinct impulse was actually like, I would like a second season which a sit down with every primary character of
The L Keyword.
And merely as love, “what exactly is incorrect with you?”
Drew:
Yeah. Okay. Therefore I’ve already been creating a concerted energy in both my personal brain and my personal writing, to fairly share
The L Keyword
much less, because i am like, there’s a whole lot other things available to choose from and like, it’s fun we have this typical language, {but also|but additionally|